Downtown girls

Why is it that whenever i go downtown and try to talk to girls about Megaman they ignore me.

But when i want to talk about Warcraft or Final Fantasy they're all like "get the hell away from me".

Wait...what?

Rich Seagull

The weatherman for News 8 Austin is named Rich Segal. But his last name is pronounced "Seagull". I was surprised when I saw that he looked like this:



This is what I thought he should look like:



Sigh. Someday Rich Seagull will be my weatherman.

Steakball: Man's Manliest Sport

Since I'm not a huge sports guy and still want to be recognized as manly, I invented Steakball: Man's Manliest Sport. I know what you're thinking: "Durrr, did you just take football and have people play it with a ball of steak instead of a football?"

No.

Well, yes. Except, at the end of the game instead of Gatorade you pour barbecue sauce on the coach.

And all the names for things are different. Like a touchdown would be a "steakdown", a "fieldgoal" would be a "steakgoal", cheerleaders = "steakleaders", and so forth.

Lolcats

I've submitted quite a few lolcats in my time, as have most respectable men. It's strange to think lolcats haven't even been around a full year yet. Even though there are NO bad lolcats (with the exception of those ones that use rabbits or non-cats instead of cats), I am particularly fond of this one.



I have my hopes set high that this lolcat will make it to the Today Show and one day host Saturday Night Live... but only if it uses a time machine to go back to early nineties or late seventies Saturday Night Live.

Money is like a lawnchair

In many ways, money is like a lawnchair...




I'm not going to explain the analogy, you're just going to have to take my word for it.

Battlestar Galactica: Razor

I went to Best Buy today to pick up Battlestar Galactica: Razor. There were two other dudes standing in the DVD aisle it was in. I find 3 copies left and reach down and take one, wondering if the other dudes will laugh at me for such a nerdy selection.

Instead, one guy says "Oh, that's where it is!" and takes one.

The other guy says "Sweet!" and takes the last one.

We all go check out in the same line.

Let's face it, the best show ever has a name that scares off everyone who hasn't actually seen it. Battlestar Galactica. Just remember, there are no lasers, no aliens, and just great story and great acting. All other TV is suck in comparison.

Lol away.

Going to bed / Waking up sucks

Going to bed is the worst. I'm working on it, but I usually don't go to bed until 4am or so. I'm not "swamped" or an insomniac. There are just too many things you have to do before going to bed. Set alarm, take off clothes (yes, all of them...do it!), the whole mouth extravaganza; brush, floss, mouthwash... I like to combine the three and call it "floshing"...

I just searched for "floshing" and the first result is supposedly a woman "floshing" but this is obviously complete bullshit. Everyone knows I invented the term just now, not someone else in the recent/distant past.

So anyway, going to bed is the worst. I stay up for at least a few hours not doing anything fun otherwise there is guilt associated with it. You have to stay at the computer and look at your email/facebook. Cause those are just little things. You could have watched a whole movie or two, but that would have been an event. Little things like checking your email 100 times doesn't count.

And then there's getting up. Assuming the pain went away immediately afterwards, wouldn't you accept a punch in the face for an extra hour of sleep? I would. It's never worked though. The pains stays.

Beautons and Importons

Scientists have developed units for measuring all kinds of variables such as mass, energy, velocity, brightness...the list goes on and on. But in the 50 or so years that science has been around, it has neglected units for measuring beauty and importance. Until now. After spending several weeks in the lab, I have developed Beautons, the unit by which beauty can be measured. I still haven't perfected my beautometer, but here are some recent readings:

The Ekaf Egami nebula: discovered in 1992 by Henry Pong, registered at about 946 Beautons. You'll notice that the Ekaf Egami nebula gave off a particularly high reading on the beautometer. Very beautiful. I guessed about 1000 beautons before checking with instruments. Needless to say, I was pretty close.

The girl I like: discovered by myself in 2006, registered in at 587 Beautons. A very high reading on the Beauton scale, but not as beautiful when compared to the nebula. You may be thinking "but Ramin! aren't there different types of beauty lol!?" This is a common misconception. Beauty has only one dimension and the beauton scale is the only way of measuring it.

Myself: measured in a sterile environment so beauty from other objects wouldn't cause inaccurate readings. 354 Beautons. An ok reading. Not as beautiful as the girl I like, but enough to maybe learn to talk to her someday.

Now for measuring importance. Realizing how important beauty was, it was only a matter of reconfiguring a few circuits in the multiplexor of the beautometer to create the importomescope. Here are some readings from the instrument:

Missing that open goal in soccer twice when I was seven: 15 Importons. Seemed alot more significant at the time. Is importance a static variable or do different things have different shelf-lives?

Happiness: a whopping 835 Importons! Who'd a thought being happy mattered in today's fast-paced market-driven economic go-go hip-fauxhawk chic yoga business world!?

Money: 1068 Importons. Sorry happiness, looks like you're about 233 short on this deal. Hey...thats the same difference as the beautometer's readings of me and the girl i like. Coincidence?? YES

Well, that concludes this week at Sciencetron Labs. Be sure to tune in next time when we take a closer look at Downtown Girl Pictures and the mystery behind "You know, I never really watched Scrubs before, but they put it on Comedy Central and now I'm totally hooked lol!"

Filler Blog Entry That Sucks

It's Wednesday...I don't think I've ever had anything to say on any Wednesday ever.

2-Panel Garfield: The Future of Humor

I added Garfield to my iGoogle page and because of window's framing, the 3rd panel of the comic strip was always cut off...leaving me with pure comedy gold.

Observe:








Add Garfield to your iGoogle. The window always cuts off the 3rd frame perfectly leaving you with 2 Panel Garfield: Humor in its purest, most concentrated, uncut form.